Postscript:

sjerslix: You are a goddess
sjerslix: a goddess surrounded by squelching dog toys
sjerslix: which: Ew
jlowers79: That might be what I am a goddess of.
sjerslix: God, wouldn't THAT suck
jlowers79: I smite people with my shredded tuggy rope.
sjerslix: Ah! The salivia! The dog smell! Make it stop!
jlowers79: Granite IS one of the lesser plagues of Egypt.
sjerslix: Now smiting Oakland. Good to know
jlowers79: Her reign of terror knows no end. We are changing her name to Cerberus.
sjerslix: Three heads to shred dog toys with!
sjerslix: She'll be unstoppable!
jlowers79: I can't afford that! I need more sacrifices and offerings.
sjerslix: Surely your minions in New York are paying you obeisances
sjerslix: (or however that's spelled)
jlowers79: Do you know what the resale value is on obeisance?
sjerslix: Not good, huh
jlowers79: Not so much.
sjerslix: damn you, eBay!