A couple weeks ago Claudia caught me off guard with the announcement that she had decided that she was in favor of the idea of marriage, specifically between us. At least she caught me off-guard because it was 11 p.m., it was raining, and we were up on the roof on our way home after an evening with a friend on the other side of the building. It didn't particularly catch me off-guard in the sentiment, because we'd talked about the concept of marriage off and on for quite a while -- whether, what, how, why -- and decided that we'd each need to give an all-clear, as it were, before anything more formal would happen.

Since marriage has only lately become a legal option for us, there's been a lot to consider. What parts would we want? The legal protection conferred by the state? The endorsement of some larger institution, be it government or religious? The public pronouncement in front of friends? A big party? A commitment to each other for a lifetime? The vague feeling of being conventional and heteronormative? Having looked at marriage from the outside for the better part of 40 years and having tried on some of those aspects previously, I don't take any of it for granted, and subsequent to Claudia's pronouncement we spent quite a few hours talking about all those things.

In the end I decided I was in favor of quite a few of those things. One of Claudia's tipping points was the legal protections: Even in this day and age, same-sex couples are still being denied access to each other in hospitals and other settings when they should rightly be at their partners' sides. It's a situation neither of us wants to face. And, after 3 years together, I can say confidently that we're a really good team. I would prefer not to relive the down-to-the-wire dash to return the rental car in Amsterdam's maze of canals and one-way streets on New Year's Eve (also: pouring rain and random fireworks), but there is no one else I would want to do that with. Our relationship had an early trial by fire when Claudia's mom died suddenly, but we made it through that period too. I know we have each other's back. When life flings crap, this is the person I want to help shovel it away. And, also, it'd be really fun to have an awesome party.

So Saturday morning we were lying in bed, watching the snow, and although she was barely awake, I handed her a sheet of paper. It was a copy of an early email I'd sent her on Match, before we ever met. She has always said she liked the tone, that it made her want to meet me. Only this time I updated the text a bit, from "if you want to have coffee sometime" to "if you want to get married sometime." It was fun to watch her pupils dilate as she read and digested it.

We spent the rest of the weekend in a happy engagement haze, at least when we weren't fulfilling prescheduled errands and appointments. There basically haven't been any further details sorted out in terms of where or when or how, although I am lobbying heavily for dinosaurs on the cake. Planning a wedding is a pretty good test for a relationship, I think. Although I suspect Claudia is generally classier than me and might balk at my burgeoning ideas for pinwheels, pinatas and so on, I think it will be fun. She's definitely the best person to do this with.